News flash: I've been spelling and saying bronchcoscopy wrong this whole time. Carry on.

Anyway. What a long, long, long day. We were at Children's from 11 until 8:30 tonight. The procedure itself took 10 minutes.

We got there and got J weighed, measured and changed into his lovely purple hospital gown with koalas riding rocketships (yeah, I can't make this stuff up). They gave him some versed which knocked him for a loop. The poor kiddo was hiccuping and saying, "All *hic* done *hic* mommy" while batting at things in the air. I had to hold back tears when I kissed him goodbye and they wheeled him away.

I had time to walk into the parent waiting area, register, battle with the soda machine that wouldn't give me my much-needed Diet Coke, read about 20 pages in my book and the dr. was out already. He showed me pictures of J's airway. He said it's definitely smaller than a "typical" kid and there's signs of reflux. Other than that, nothing to worry about. The dr. feels because of the smaller airway, he's just more sensitive and will probably continue to have the episodes until he grows and his airway gets bigger.

I waited for about 45 more minutes before they brought me back to see Jackson. I heard him as soon as I entered the recovery area. Coughing, struggling to breathe, crying, wheezing. It was terrible. They decided to give him racemic epi (the fancy new word I learned for "breathing treatment") to calm the airway. He was noticeably better after the treatment, but still having strider and neck retraction.

After his breathing was calmed a bit, the major source of upset for him was the IV. He'd cry and say, "rectangle off". Usually when he's admitted it's the pulse ox on his toe that causes the distress.

After a bit, we were taken to a recovery pod, where we stayed from about 1 until 8:00. He was given IV steroids while everyone went back and forth as to whether or not we should stay the night. I ended up convincing them that since we're so close to the hospital, I can run him back if I needed to. By the time the decision was made to let us go, he was breathing normally with no evidence of neck retraction or strider.

Once again, without her knowledge, Ellen DeGeneres comes to the rescue. After we had been in the recovery pod for a bit, with lots of crying without much let up, J looked at me at 3:05 and said, "rectangle Ellen?" How he knew it was time for Ellen to be on, I have no idea, my guess is it was just wishful thinking on his part. I found the show and he was content for the first time that day (except during commercials where he would cry "rectangle Ellen!" until the show came back). The nurse came in and was happy he was finally calming down and I told her it was all due to Ellen. She thought it was funny that J would rather watch Ellen than cartoons.

This morning he's totally breathing fine, but I kept him home from school so I can watch him (just in case).

Object(s) du Jour: The Thomas fringies, the "Cars holder" (he's more interested in holding the DVD case to the movie than watching the movie itself) and a picture from the internet of a Doritos delivery truck.

One day last week, a Doritos truck was making a delivery to a store near our house. The end of the road was blocked, so the truck had to park right in front of our house. J loved it because it's a rectangular truck with "triangles" on the side. Every day since, he looks out the window and asks for the truck. I Googled and found a picture of the exact truck. I printed it, protected it with packing tape and the picture rode along with him for his surgery. The nurses in recovery wanted to know why he needed a picture of a Doritos truck. lol

So. After a trip to MN on Tuesday, then over to northern WI for my grandma's wake, we're back home and getting ready to head over to Children's for the broncoscopy. I'm nervous, Jackson is starving and Jameson is eating Kleenex. Should be an interesting day. I really can't wait until this week is over.

Object du Jour: The rectangle remote book. This is the instruction book for the picture frame, that went with the recangle remote that got flushed down the toilet that lay in the house that Jack built. lol But, Jameson got ahold of it and ripped it in half.

Language explosion lately for both kiddos! J is wandering around saying "Barack Obama" all day long. My People mag came in the mail yesterday and it was laying on the dining room table; it has the Obamas on the cover. J tossed aside his regular 'old Thomas placemat and replaced it with a "Barack Obama" placemat, ie the People mag. lol He went through the whole mag and labelled Barack and Me-shewl. I wish you could hear him say it, it's so cute!

J is really trucking along with labelling letters, numbers, colors and animal sounds. After I ask him dog, cow, cat, duck, etc, I say, "What do Zombies say?" and he says, "Braaaiinns". lol

J2 has mastered "all done" or "awl da!" I'm also hearing "hot", "mama", "dada", "uh-oh" and a variation of "kitty".

I'm still not sure that J is down with this little brother thing. Poor kiddo. Jameson wants everything that Jackson is playing with, which results is a screech like none other. I've been intervening and telling Jameson, "Let's find something else to play with." So now, Jackson will screech, "Something eeellllse" when Jameson grabs at his toy. Someday they'll love each other, right?

I think everyone is finally healthy. *knock wood* So, Jackson's broncoscopy will go on as scheduled on Thursday. Hopefully they won't find anything to be concerned about. I'm always nervous when he gets put under. I was told he'll be under for about 30 minutes total and then we hang out in recovery until he's ready to go home.

Object du Jour: Everything. Those two had every single toy dumped out in the living room. That was a fun mess to sort out! I can't wait until we can play outside with the sand and water tables!

Toilet Watch '09 (cue ominous CNN theme music). Well, now the toilet is majorly screwed up. My dad came over yesterday to look at it and there's not much he can do. Sooo, now we have to call a plumber. I don't want to know how much this could cost.

I taught J how to say, "President Barack Obama", it's so darn cute. He loved watched the marching bands during the inauguration festivities yesterday. "Music, walking'"

J2 got pretty sick. Last night he slept most of the night and today seems much better. Yesterday, he woke up from his nap with a giant booger going from his nose, over his eye to his forehead. Aren't y'all glad I didn't run for the camera on that one?

Yesterday was J's first day back in school in two weeks. He was really excited to go, but when he came home, he was soooo crabby. I hope we can get him back into the routine quick.

Object du Jour: My dad showed J how to press shapes into the carpet with toys. He loves that. So now there are rectangle indentations all over the living room.

Here's the scene: J2, down for a nap. J1 sitting on the toilet (with the lid closed, he likes to pretend to go potty). I'm picking up toys in the living room. I hear the toilet flush. J1 comes to me and says, "Rectangle remote, water, toilet". Um, yeah. I'm 99% sure the rectangle remote has had an unceremonious burial at sea. He asks me for it occasionally and I say, "Where is it?" He says, very matter of factly, "water, toilet." *sigh*

On the bright side, I can tell the amoxicillin is doing it's job. J is so much better. He's back to his chatty, happy self. On the downside, J2 is now sick. Jameson seems to be bouncing back a lot more quickly though.

Another new J obsession: the "rectangle Ellen". Two of J's loves come together. Jackson has recently noticed that during the Ellen show, there's a blue rectangle in the corner of the screen with her name in it. So, now I get requests to watch "rectangle Ellen" about a hundred times a day.

Object du Jour: I sent Daddy to Joann's, armed with a 50% off coupon to get some new Thomas fleece. The hospitalization made me realize that we need a back up for when the one covered with hospital cooties is in the wash. Daddy came back with the most awesome Thomas fleece. It's a pattern I haven't seen before. I sat and tied it up watching "must see TV". (I feel the need...the need for tweed!) Jackson saw it the next morning and was thrilled!

Mothers Lie
By Lori Borgman

Expectant mothers waiting for a newborn's arrival say they don't care what sex the baby is. They just want to have ten fingers and ten toes.

Mothers lie.

Every mother wants so much more.

She wants a perfectly healthy baby with a round head, rosebud lips, button nose, beautiful eyes and satin skin.

She wants a baby so gorgeous that people will pity the Gerber baby for being flat-out ugly.

She wants a baby that will roll over, sit up and take those first steps right on schedule (according to the baby development chart on page 57, column two).

Every mother wants a baby that can see, hear, run, jump and fire neurons by the billions.

She wants a kid that can smack the ball out of the park and do toe points that are the envy of the entire ballet class.

Call it greed if you want, but a mother wants what a mother wants.

Some mothers get babies with something more.

Maybe you're one who got a baby with a condition you couldn't pronounce, a spine that didn't fuse, a missing chromosome or a palate that didn't close.

The doctor's words took your breath away.

It was just like the time at recess in the fourth grade when you didn't see the kick ball coming, and it knocked the wind right out of you.

Some of you left the hospital with a healthy bundle, then, months, even years later, took him in for a routine visit, or scheduled him for a checkup, and crashed head first into a brick wall as you bore the brunt of devastating news.

It didn't seem possible.

That didn't run in your family.

Could this really be happening in your lifetime?

There's no such thing as a perfect body.

Everybody will bear something at some time or another.

Maybe the affliction will be apparent to curious eyes, or maybe it will be unseen, quietly treated with trips to the doctor, therapy or surgery.

Mothers of children with disabilities live the limitations with them.

Frankly, I don't know how you do it.

Sometimes you mothers scare me.

How you lift that kid in and out of the wheelchair twenty times a day. How you monitor tests, track medications, and serve as the gatekeeper to a hundred specialists yammering in your ear.

I wonder how you endure the clichés and the platitudes, the well-intentioned souls explaining how God is at work when you've occasionally questioned if God is on strike.

I even wonder how you endure schmaltzy columns like this one-saluting you, painting you as hero and saint, when you know you're ordinary.

You snap, you bark, you bite.

You didn't volunteer for this, you didn't jump up and down in the motherhood line yelling,"Choose me, God. Choose me! I've got what it takes."

You're a woman who doesn't have time to step back and put things in perspective, so let me do it for you. From where I sit, you're way ahead of the pack.

You've developed the strength of the draft horse while holding onto the delicacy of a daffodil.

You are the mother, advocate and protector of a child with a disability.

You're a neighbor, a friend, a woman I pass at church and my sister-in-law.

You're a wonder.

Lori Borgman is a syndicated columnist and author of All Stressed Up and No Place To Go

ENT appt today. The dr. wants us to continue the Prevacid and do a broncoscopy when J is healthy (Jan 29), just to take a look and see if there's anything in there that could be contributing to the breathing issues. He doesn't feel we need to do anything more invasive because J "only" averages two a year on these episodes. The icky news is that when he looked in J's ear, he said he has an ear infection. So, either they missed it when he was in-patient or it just developed. J's now on amoxicillin for that.

We got back from the dr's and again J fell asleep in the middle of the floor. Daddy carried him to bed and he's been out for an hour now.

I think Jameson is now starting to get sick as well. Does this ever end? Poor baby was up most of last night and had a slight fever today. He has his one year check-up tomorrow, so I'll talk to the dr. then.

Object du Jour: A "P-next". That's what J calls a Kleenex. He had to hold one throughout the dr. visit.

ETA: After a 4 hour (!) nap today, Jackson finally started letting us know his ear is bothering him. We gave him his medicine and he asked at 6 to go back to bed. Wow. He never does that. Hopefully, we'll see a big improvment and he'll feel better soon.

It's so darn cold here that they've already canceled school for tomorrow. It's supposed to be even colder Friday, so I'm thinking no school then either. So, in two weeks poor J has only been to school once. I'm sure he's the only kid at his school that is sad about not going. lol

J has now missed 4 days of school. (With the low forecasted to be -13 on Friday, I wonder if school will be canceled.) I feel so terrible for him. He has moments where he seems a little better, but he's still so congested and crabby. I'll find him asleep in random spots on the floor. He asked to go to bed at 5:30 tonight. We see the ENT tomorrow and the ped on Thursday, maybe they will have some answers.

I'm worried that he's not eating as much as he should. He asks for crackers and cups, but doesn't eat or drink them. He's willing to eat purees. We've had to up his tube feeds at night. I'm sure he's lost weight.

Object du Jour: Thomas fringies and the rectangle remote.

My poor baby. J woke up on Friday morning acting pretty typically. Then around 11, he started with the breathing/croup/stridor issues. Then he started to throw up and couldn't stop heaving. Off to the ER we went.

Two breathing treatments and a round of steroids later, they decided to admit him. (Two breathing treatments is an automatic admit). We got to our room about 5 last night. Daddy came to the hospital around 8 to stay overnight and I took Jameson home. The poor kiddo cried almost the whole time we were there and was terrified of anyone who came into his room.

Jackson was released at 1 today. He's still not himself. J asked to go to bed at 6. I'm hearing a lot of coughing through the monitor, so we put the humidifier in his room. Hopefully *knock wood* we won't need to go back.

He's on steroids for three days and the we'll follow up with his dr. next week. We also have ENT on Wed and GI in two weeks. I really hope someone can give us some answers.

Object du Jour: The Thomas fringies and the rectangle remote. The poor guy was terrified of the beds in the ER. He was so tired he kept laying on the floor. I rigged up a little sleep spot and there he stayed until they moved us upstairs. See above. I know this isn't the way Daddy wanted to spend his birthday. :(

Poor J. He woke up early this morning and promptly threw up. I called him in sick to school and then he seemed to perk up a bit until the fever started. It just breaks my heart when he doesn't feel well. He's currently sleeping in the middle of the hallway. This is the second time today. When I try to put him in bed he wakes up and cries. So, I'll just leave him curled up in a ball with his Thomas fringies until he wakes up.

He hasn't eaten much today, although he did down a jar and a half of bananas. He asked for a juice box, took one sip and handed it back saying that the juice box, "pinched his fingers."

Object du Jour: Nothing makes a little guy feel better than Thomas fringies.

ETA: His fever is up to 102.1 and he threw up the Tylenol I gave him. I called the ped on call and she thinks he may have Fifth's Disease. Whee! She said there's not much we can do but give him Tylenol and keep him hydrated. The poor guy is miserable. He's finally in bed after a bath. Hopefully, he'll feel better tomorrow.

Who knew they make "blankets" for glasses? J has his eye clinic follow-up today with the dr. with the really fun Greek name that Jackson loves to say...over and over and over. The dr. wants J's good eye patched to hopefully strengthen his wandering eye. We talked about how the sticky eye patches were just not working because J panicked when we put it on him. The assistant produced a little tiny slipcover for the lens over the good eye. It's blue and fleece and looks like a teeny tiny fringy blankey. J was totally on board with this! He needs to wear his glasses as much as we can get him too, with the patch on an hour a day. We'll go back and see her in a month. Yay, blanket glasses!

While we were riding in the car later today, J kept saying "doctor name again" (fill in a fun sounding name of your own). I told him no, not for a while. He said, "doctor name, blanket glasses, funny hat". Translation: "Mother dear, I would be ever so pleased to revisit that delightful blanket-giving physician with the most excellent name and I pray she wears that enchanting headwear with the light affixed to the front." (Oh, I crack myself up.)

Object du Jour: The blanket glasses and the ever-present third wheel, the rectangle remote.

P.S. Jameson celebrated his first birthday yesterday. Wow, this last year flew by! He dove into his cake like a pro and his cousin and brother helped him open his gifts. Don't you just love the "don't even think about touching my cake" face?

I would really love to know how J sees the world. Lately, he describes everything as shapes. Rectangle light, square block, circle eyes...etc. He calls his mouth his "rectangle mouth" and his hands are "circle hands". Absolutely no clue what that means. There are days I wish I could get inside his little head.

J wanted to get out of the house so badly today. We took a trip to Walmart to get some household junk and to Toys R Us to get presents for Jameson's birthday. On the way home in the car he cried and kept saying, "home". When he's home, he wants out, when we're out, he wants home. J is still asking pretty consistently to go to Grandma's house. Hopefully, getting back into the routine of school and getting him back into the pool will help him regulate himself a little better.

At Walmart today, a woman was trying to choose between a blue stuffed animal and an orange one for her grandson. She wanted J's opinion (as a fellow 3 year old, he's 4 1/2, but who's counting - at least she didn't think he was 18 months). She showed him the animals and asked him which one he liked. The child would not speak for anything, he just stared at the woman. Normally, he's a steady stream of chatter. Maybe (hopefully) he's starting to recognize that some people are strangers and we shouldn't talk to everyone who crosses our path.

Object du Jour: Still the rectangle remote. He'll set it down somewhere and then sob when he can't find it. He's an emotional roller coaster this week. I'm trying to show him how to look for something that is missing, but I'm still not sure he's understanding. Poor fella. It's heart-wrenching to see him cry. But, on a positive note, I'm so happy that he's able to communicate his wants/needs to me so I can help him.

P.S. I guess I should explain what the "rectangle remote" is. It's a small rectangular (obviously) remote that goes to a digital picture frame at Grandma and Grandpa's house. J fell in love with it. He carried it around the whole visit, he hugged it, loved it and talked on it like a cell phone. He may have also sucked on it so much that it no longer works (allegedly). Soooo, we stole it from G & G's in the hope that we can replace it with a new one. (Shhh, Aunt Donna, don't tell on us!)